If you have not read Parts I and II, click here.
Wow, it's been almost three years since I accepted the fact that I was gay. And it's been a year and a half since I vowed to tell my folks.
The "conversation" still hasn't happened.
Why, you ask?
The short answer is because the whole idea terrifies me, and I haven't had the balls yet to do it.
The long answer is that it's been easy to put off. My little sister's job has taken her all over the country, and now the world, and my parents have been distracted with her. My folks also spent the last year building and designing a wonderful lake house, which they plan to retire in sometime in the next five years.
While the lake house project was a welcome distraction before, it has now turned into the bane of my closeted existence. I think the extra three bedrooms in the house coupled with the oversized dining table has made them yearn to fill the extra spaces with grandkids.
As the oldest child, they are ready for me to get married, and with my 30...something'th birthday rolling around in a few very short weeks, they are putting more pressure on me than ever before.
Consequently, every phone conversation turns to "my social life."
Sadly, I've come to dread talking to them on the phone.
Our conversations are short and almost business-like. I avoid the topic of dating by throwing out other topics before they can even bring it up.
And I think my evasiveness has built an invisible wall between us.
I hate the whole situation.
Growing up, I was close to them. My relationship with them was even strong when I was dating girls, despite the fact that I was lying to them and to myself.
I miss that bond that my parents and I had, but I don't think I can get that bond back unless I'm honest with them, regardless of the consequences.
I leave for home on December 20. This time, the conversation will happen.
