The Three Month Siesta - Part I

First off, thank you to all of the readers and fellow bloggers who wrote to me over the last three months encouraging me to write and making sure I was still alive and not buried under one of the bars on Cedar Springs in Dallas.

Much has happened in these last three months, and it's hard to even decide where to start. To make this easier for you to follow, I will break this story down into three posts: (1) The Last Boyfriend, (2) the Work Project from Hell, and (3) Drinking Drama.

PART 1: The Last Boyfriend

A post or two ago, I slyly inserted the words "my boyfriend" into a story. Most readers probably skimmed over it, but a few of you guys picked up on it and demanded further information, which I refused to relay. Now is the time to tell the story, because I learned a valuable lesson from the four months that "Church Boy" and I spent together.

We met, surprisingly, at church.

I was there with Heather preparing to listen to the sermon when Church Boy came up and introduced himself. At first he thought I was straight, and that Heather was my girlfriend, but I relayed my gayness at the end of our conversation.

I knew from the moment he'd approached that he was gay. His mannerisms and clothing gave it away.

A few days later, Church Boy emailed me. He'd tracked my email address down from someone else at church, and wanted to grab dinner.

I was flattered, and said yes after only a little hesitation.

I have never dated a guy before who wouldn't be described as "masculine." While Church Boy certainly wouldn't be described as a total queen, he was without a doubt much less concerned about appearing straight or "butch" than anyone I'd ever been with. I respected him for his comfortability, and told myself that I would look past my reservations to see what kind of guy he was inside.

For our first few dates, I was skeptical, but after getting to know him, and seeing how genuine his heart was, I fell for him. His sea blue eyes captivated me, and his caring, Christian nature was refreshing and engulfing. Surprisingly, Church Boy was a phenomenal athlete, and we had fun playing basketball together in addition to doing traditional gay stuff like shopping and fixing up my poor excuse for a house.

Everything was great for a while. My friends loved him, we had great conversations and a blast whenever we hung out, and I truly cared for him.

But there was one problem. I could never get over that physical attraction hurdle.

For the first time since the days that'd I'd been with girls, I had trouble performing. Yes, sexually performing.

I didn't know what to do. With girls, I'd just break up with them when my plumbing stopped working. But with guys, I'd never, never had an issue, and it terrified me.

Now, I'm definitely not the most sexually driven guy on the Strip, and I'm no where near the sexual animal that my friend BOB is, but I love sex, and performance hasn't been a problem in the past

If any of you guys have been in this situation, even just with girls, you understand where I'm coming from. If not, just know that it's terrifying. I didn't want to tell any of my friends, and I had no idea how to handle the situation.�I didn't know where to turn.

I was sooooo embarrassed whenever Church Boy and I were in bed together and I couldn't "get it up" that I eventually looked for excuses not to mess around with him.

Then, frustrated, I tried Cialis, a prescription drug that my doctor recommended - he even gave me some free samples. Unfortunately, I ended up getting sick, and never tried it again (although I hear it works for most people).

Eventually, the lack of physical attraction from my end drove me to end the relationship. I realized in the last few weeks that it wasn't fair to him - in addition to being a wonderful person with a great heart, Church Boy was hot as hell, and he deserved a guy who could look beyond simple mannerisms and want to rip his clothes off at every moment. Apparently, I'm not to that point in my gay development yet, and I may never be.

Although the relationship was short, Church Boy and I spent a lot of time together, and we grew close. All of that, coupled with the fact that the breakup wasn't caused by someone doing something wrong, made everything that much sadder.

Church Boy has now accepted a job in another Texas city, and I will probably not see him for a while. But he is in my thoughts every once and a while, and I will hold other love interests in my life to his high standard - he was a true gem of a guy.

Through television, Hollywood, and especially the billion dollar porn industry, we are often led to feel inferior if we're not having wild, uninhibited sex on a weekly or even daily basis. But the fact of the matter is that most people don't live the lives of Sean Cody stars, and probably wouldn't like it if they did. After my experience with Church Boy, I talked to several of my close friends, both straight and gay, and every single one of them has had sexual "dysfunction" problems at one point or another, and the older ones admitted that with increasing age comes increasing issues.

Since Church Boy and I broke up two months ago, I haven't had any more problems in the bedroom, but next time I do, I won't be so scared about it. It's not something to look forward to, but it's something that happens in life. Still, sex in a relationship is important, and it's essential to have strong physical attraction to the person to make it work. I won't make that mistake again.

Comments

[Justin]

I had a similar situation, although thankfully it didn't prevent me from performing...it made me avoid sex. That fire died out very quickly.

[Nick]

Yes, you're not the only one, and I've certainly experienced it. And I had a similar situation as you.

With all that said, welcome back :)

[Synrgy]

Yes indeed, Welcome Back... You were missed... I think that has happened to everyone at one time or another... I know it has to me... Most recently, he was HOT, close with his family, big heart, all the things I look for, and some things I didn't know I liked... It just didn't work (it meaning my dick)... I know that there is more than just sex... but you're right... it's a big part... Don't let it get you down (pardon the pun) ;)

Love from Atlanta
(SYN)

[jay]

glad to have u back!
jay

[Jay]

Hey:

Great post. We as guys seem to be programmed to think that as long as we can have sex that we should be up and ready to do so at all times. That's really not the case and a physical/emotional connection really is needed.

You ended the relationship due to a lack of physical attraction so I would encourage you to stay in touch with "church boy" even if he is living in another city. Emotional connections are the foundation of many amazing friendships.

-Jay
(well I guess Jay #2, see previous comment)

[Bill]

live and learn.

[hamilton]

What a nice post. I always havea good time reading your posts whenever I stop by.