Coming Out: The High School Best Friend

Val, my best friend from high school, didn't start out as my best friend.  Back in my sophomore year of H.S., she actually started out as my best friend's girlfriend.  Over time, my buddy, who was really just a rich, arrogant a-hole, treated her worse and worse, and eventually, she dumped his ass. 

I stopped hanging out with my old buddy sometime during our senior year, and by the time we left for separate colleges, we didn't speak at all. 

Val and I, however, kept in touch. 

In fact, many years have passed since my high school days, and Val is one of the only people I've remained in touch with from that period of my life.

We went to separate colleges over six hours away from each other.  With the newness and consumptiveness of college, it was difficult to keep in touch with each other, but each year during Christmas, Val and I would meet up back in our tiny hometown. 

Even after I moved to Texas to pursue my career, Val and I continued to see each other over the holidays. 

A few years ago, Val got married.  Her husband is a handsome, fun, and charming guy.  I was in their wedding. 

Then, just a year ago, Val had a baby.

Val had always joked with me about how I was a player who had commitment problems, and that I'd never settle down. 

I can understand why she felt that way - in all the years that Val had known me, I had never had a girlfriend for very long, and I was often vague when providing telephonic and yearly face-to-face updates about my relationships.  With such a physical distance between us, it was easy to keep up the charade, just like it's been easy to do so with my folks.

This last Christmas, however, I decided that it was time to tell Val the truth. 

In the past, we'd always met up for a couple drinks (and sometimes, dinner) at the local Applebee's, which is one of the few places that serves alcohol in my small town.

This last year was no exception. 

I picked Val up at her parents' house, played with her baby girl for a few minutes, and then drove my long-time friend over to our signature restaurant.

On the drive down that dark country road between the barren, snow covered fields and sporadic ranch homes and trailers, I had that knotty feeling in my stomach, the same feeling I always seem to get when I'm about to "out myself" to someone. 

I've come out to a dozen friends now, so I'm not terrified like I once was.  But still, coming out isn't a completely stress-free thing to do.

Throughout the entire drive, I controlled the conversation - we discussed Val's job, her husband, her new baby.  Then, when we sat down at Applebee's, I told her about my law practice, my parents, and my newly-bought house. 

Then, suddenly and completely out of the blue, Val asked me a question:

"Are you dating anyone?"

My heart began racing.  This was it.  This was my spoon fed introduction into that moment I'd been waiting for.

"No, I'm not," I replied simply.

Then she asked me something that caught me completely off guard, a question I would've never expected from her.

"Are you gay?" 

Whoa!  Did she really just ask me that?  I almost fell off of the bar stool.

I hesitated for only a second, despite the intense pounding in my chest and slight twitching of my hands.  "Yeah, actually, I am."

"Cool."

"Well, how long have you known?"

"Um, I've suspected for a couple years now, but wasn't for sure.  I knew it was either that you had commitment problems or that you were gay."

"No shit?  Why didn't you ask me before?"

"I don't know.  It's just not a big deal, I guess."

"Wow, that was . . . easy."

We spent the next hour talking through everything, all of my dodges and lies from the last few years, my ex-boyfriends, my attempts at dating girls, her predictions on how my folks will take it, etc.  Val was awesome about everything, and completely supportive. 

I've come out to several friends, and I have to say that this particular coming out experience was by far the easiest. 

Perhaps it was because Val took the initiative. 

Regardless, now there is one more important person in my life who knows the truth about me. 

This is a relief. 

Comments

[Justin]

Wow - what a great friend! I had 2 similar coming out experiences, both with female friends. Funny how they just know...

[Shel]

Wow! I'm very proud of you. As I have said before in some of these comments, I really respect you and the way you are handling the coming out process. You have more guts than I do in some of the same situations...

[hamilton]

for some reason, I always thought you were all out already except for with your folks. This came a bit surprising actually. but it is a good thing that you came out once again! yeay!

[Mike]

Cool coming out story. Glad to see I'm not the only one that gets that pounding chest experience when talking about it to others.

[discount coach]

I have read your essay and i think it is very good !thank you for your post ! May the joy and happiness around you today and always.