The Office Christmas Party

Big law firms usually throw awesome parties for the holidays.  For the most part, it's a tax write-off, so why not?

This year, however, my firm decided not to have a Christmas party.  This decision totally bummed me out.

Fortunately, my lawyer-friend Sylvia invited me to her firm's party, which took place a couple weekends ago in downtown Dallas. 

The party was at a fashion center, and it was catered by quite possibly the best restaurant in town.  I wasn't very excited about it, because Sylvia's firm is one of the most conservative, stuffy firms in Dallas.

I was so wrong, though. 

The party turned out to be a complete blast.

There was gambling.  The event was a casino theme, and everyone played Blackjack to win fantastic prizes like Maverick's tickets, $250 gift cards to Northpark Mall, and IPODs.  I did very well in the games, but, as is typical, didn't win any of the drawings. 

There was butt sketching.  This "art" form is similar to caricature sketching, but instead of your face being the focus of the drawing, your butt takes the center stage. 

There was dancing.  Mostly to 70's and 80's classic rock and pop.  When the cheesy cover band played Brown Eyed Girl, Sylvia dragged me up there in front of her entire conservative firm, and we danced alone.  Like any good gay friend, I obliged enthusiastically.

There was a photographer.  After too many drinks, I donned a cheap pirate eye patch for the last hour of the night.  Sylvia refused to let the other women take the bright pink boa that she'd swiped from the photo booth.

What was NOT at the party were cute guys.  Out of the entire law firm, including the spouses, only one guy even remotely peaked my curiosity.  He was a young assistant football coach that worked at a small Texas college.  His wife was a new associate at the firm. 

Because Sylvia and I were the wildest, most uninhibited couple at the party, Football Coach and his wife latched onto us.  Keeping in tradition with my straight boy curse, Football Coach became my good buddy, and made me promise that the four of us would hit the town and sing karaoke soon.  Why do I always attract cute, straight boys who I can never do anything with?  Very frustrating.

Regardless, we had a blast.  The more that Football Coach and I drank, the more we bonded.  At some point, Football Coach took off his jacket, revealing the ripped muscles that were only slightly concealed by his thin cotton shirt.

The four of us - me and Sylvia, and Football Coach and his wife - drank and danced all night. 

Until the brawl started.   

Apparently, the lead singer of the band was a serious alcoholic.  He was talented as a singer, but as the night went on, his shirt came totally unbuttoned and his hairy belly flopped over his bead-studded belt.  The singer's long blond hair, which was probably hip and full back in 1985, seemed ratty and full of grease.  Still, the washed-up rocker and his macho charisma appealed to several of the forty- and fifty-year-old soccer moms. 

One of these ladies (drunk-asses is probably a better description) was particularly drunk, and her husband was not at the party. 

Consequently, when the singer approached her and tried to kiss her the first time, she let him. 

Drama ensued amongst the elder population, but it didn't really peak until the singer went in for kiss number two. 

At that point, one of the internet technology (IT) staff guys tried to stop the singer, and a shoving match began. 

A full-out brawl ensued on the floor between the firm's IT staff and the fat singer.  Fists were flying.  A poker table collapsed.  Chairs were falling. 

A spouse in high heels and a gown tried to calm things down, but got tossed on her ass for her trouble. 

I just stood in the back with Sylvia and Football Coach watching the disaster.  Football Coach loved it. 

I have to admit that I had a damn good time too. 

Who could imagine that the stuffiest firm in town could throw a road house party?

Football Coach asked Sylvia and I to meet for karaoke around New Years.  We both said yes.

Comments

[Steven.]

Aren't the best (and memorable) holidy parties the ones that entail really ugly fights?

[Sergio Viula]

Chad,

Thanks so much for replying to my post on www.gls.zip.net!!! I really appreciated your kindly written feedback.

I sincerely wish you success. I hope you'll have a wonderful new year with an absolutely new approach to your family as to your sexual orientation and all that it involves, nothing less than you yourself, with your dreams, desires, plans, worldview, relationships, likes and dislikes, etc.

Don't quit writing on your blog and keep in touch. You can use my blog or my e-mail for personal contact.

Kisses to you and your beloved.

Sergio Viula

[Jesse]

HA HA HA!!! That was perhaps the best holiday party story I have ever heard. It makes me jealous that I don't have any lawyer friends!

[Synrgy]

Sweet Jeebus Urban... That sounded like a hoot... Glad you guys had a good time...
I hope you have a great New Year...