Coming Out: The Parents, Part II **Updated Dec 7, 2007

This post is continued from Coming Out: The Parents.

First off, I apologize for taking such a long break from writing. 

My slacking off was due to a variety of factors.  At the top of the list was laziness - I just haven't felt like writing until recently. 

Other factors, however, have also contributed to my absence from the web.  For one, I've been completely slammed at work.  I'm mean, slammed.  Apparently, everyone loves litigation and arguments around the holidays - why they love it is beyond me.  I long for the slow days of summer, where lawyers in my field usually get a break. 

But alas, we have a long way to go. 

Also, I've been dating a ton, with unsatisfactory results, and recently, I had LASIK surgery performed on my eyes.  20-15 vision, baby!

But we can talk about all that later, because now, I want to tell you about Thanksgiving with the folks . . .

Before my parents even arrived, I'd been tossing around the idea of waiting to tell them about my sexuality until we were back at their home in the Midwest, in a place where they feel comfortable and secure. 

Some of Urban Insanity's readers recommended waiting until I was visiting them, as did some of my friends, and that theory certainly weighed on my mind, even if I saw it as an excuse to push off the inevitable conversation until a later date. 

Ultimately, it was that "theory of coming out" that made me decide not to tell them over Thanksgiving. 

Well, that, and my own cowardice. 

So, I didn't tell them, and instead, I've decided to book a flight home for a non-holiday weekend in either January or February to attempt this dreaded conversation again.

But that's not the end of the story. 

Some interesting developments happened over this holiday. 

My folks stayed in the Magnolia Hotel in Downtown Dallas - if you're ever visiting here and can't get into the Melrose Hotel, I highly recommend it.  Great deals and excellent rooms in the heart of downtown. 

While in Dallas, they wanted to visit George Bush's Crawford Ranch.  Yes, my folks are staunch Republicans.  We drove 2.5 hours on Texas's overcrowded highways until we hit the back roads of Crawford.  Once there, we stopped and dodged quarter-sized hail to run into the safety of a Bush souvenir store, where the shopkeeper and my Mom badgered me into take a photo with a faded, life-sized stand-up poster of "W."  It was an experience. 

Once we found the entrance to the ranch, we took a snapshot of the gate from the inside of my car, and then quickly turned around to head back to the city. 

Even if you're a Republican, you can leave this tourist adventure off of your agenda next time you visit the Lone Star State.  It's definitely not worth the trip.

We did all kinds of other touristy stuff, but I'll spare you the boring details. 

I will tell you, however, that on the long car rides all over town with my folks and sister, we had lots of conversations. 

One of our favorite topics of conversation involves my Dad's best friend's son, who is an angry, extremely flamboyant gay guy. 

The discussions about this angry kid were mainly between my sister and Dad this time, and I noticed that my Mom remained strangely quiet. 

Usually, she's right in the middle of these talks. 

It bothered me that she remained quiet, perhaps because it reaffirmed my suspicion that she suspects that I'm gay. 

It's also made me wonder if I should have the sexuality talk with her first, alone.  I'm weighing the pros and cons of that right now. 

More to follow after Christmas . . .

Comments

Believe me, Moms are always the first to figure it out.

Maybe the best approach would be to talk to Mom first. Coming out in stages, I find, is the easiest.

First Mom, then Sis, then Dad.

Obviously, there is no easy way to come out. But that approached worked for me.

[Steven.]

Never tell your parents/family/friends news which may be unpleasant (to them) during a holiday/special occasion.

If it turns sour (and it might), then that date is forever remembered as the day that X happened.

[abnitude]

glad to finally hear what happend with the thanksgiving coming out scenario. i think you should do what makes you feel the most comfortable. it will be time to tell your parents when it feels right to you. also, i agree with your feelings, your mom knows and didn't enter the gay friend discussions for that very reaon.

[Jay]

I highly recommend the one at a time approach as well. It's less scary but you will have to answer the same questions over and over again each time you tell someone.

[Vic]

I'm a regular reader of your blog.

Good luck when you do tell them. Its extremely liberating...no matter how they take it, you'll be glad you did it.

[hamilton]

well...

That was long over due! You kept all us waiting hehe. You know you can't hide forever, as I am writing, half of December has already passed. Jan or Feb is a nice push back for my courage but it is gonna be here before you know it.

I hope everything goes as planned and of course I hope the end result is awesome. I sincerely hope the best for you.

But don't assume if anyone knows. Maybe she just had indigestion or somethignt hat she didn't feel like talking. I mistaken a lot of the stuff that my mom said over the years as a hint of she already knew. But oh man was I wrong. Then you will be in a situation where you are like how come you don't know! I thought you knew and would understand it better~~~ That is alaways worse than just approach it cautiously but firmly and she would react to it in the same fashion.. at least more likely she will

[Sergio Viula]

Hello, dear blogger and visitors.

I've just send our blogger a letter, but I couldn't issue the letter here. It was longer than allowed. So, I issued the same message on my blog. www.gls.zip.net

As I am Brazilian, from Rio, the blog is in Portuguese, but this specific letter is in English. Whoever feels like reading it, be welcome! It's also a personal testemony of how I dealt with my own coming out of the closet.

By the way, the blog name is Out of the Closet (Fora do Armário).

Hugs to all,
Sergio

[Brian]

Dude, your mom knows. Trust me. My mom used the excuse of "noticing that I'd stopped dating" to ask me if I was gay. She just recently told me that she knew for a while and my lack of female companionship provided an excuse to "pop the question."

Good luck to you man.