Nice Guys Finish Last

I am a total subscriber to the philosophy that nice guys finish last, at least when it comes to gay dating.

Take my buddy Brian, for example. 

He is one of the most stand-up guys I know. 

Brian owns his own business, is responsible, and is a hard worker. 

More importantly, he'd do anything for his family and friends and is a fantastic, super nice guy. 

Brian is not the type of gay man to make an aggressive move on the first date.  In fact, it's not unheard of for Brian to go on seven or eight dates before trying to lay a kiss on someone.  He cooks dinner for his dates, takes them to art gallery and museum events, and goes out of his way to ensure that they enjoy themselves whenever they're with him. 

Despite all of these efforts, Brian is habitually single.  And often, the guys that Brian takes out all want to "just be friends" after a few dates.   

I've warned Brian about keeping things in the "friend zone" for too long because, unfortunately, it's dangerous to be a complete gentleman in the gay world. 

But why is that? 

What is it about nice guys that sends us running? 

I don't really have an answer.

But I do know that I'm one of those guys who has a soft spot for bad boys. 

My relationships that've worked have all been with guys who didn't just give me a hug at the end of the night . . . my ex-boyfriends all tried (and often succeeded) in doing a whole lot more. 

I always know within the first few minutes of a date whether or not I'm really into someone.  There's a sexual energy between us that distracts me from the food, the concert, the game, or whatever.  All of my thoughts are centered on the guy, not on the other stuff we're eating or doing. 

At the end of a first date, if I've experienced fantastic energy and don't capitalize on it, I'm afraid of it going away . . . and both of our attractions dissipating until, eventually, we cross over into the dreaded "friend zone." 

Now, I'm not talking about full-out sex on the first date (although I haven't ruled it out in the past), but I think that it's important to let the other guy know that you're definitely into him. 

And I don't think that a simple hug or kiss on the cheek does the trick, especially not after a couple of dates. 

Does this just mean that I'm promiscuous, or is this something that other gay men out there experience?