Dating Within the Circle - the "Trick" That Doesn't Go Home

My friend Brian has developed his own rule book for life.  Well, now that I think about, most of Brian's rules involve dating do's and don't's in the gay world.  Some of the rules are absolutely ridiculous (e.g. Don't go on a date before Easter because the weather is too depressing), but others make quite a lot of sense. 

For example, Brian's Rule #70, "Don't date or hookup with guys in your group of friends," seems very logical, primarily because if you follow it, you can keep drama with the periphery people and not with your core buddies.  However, what do you do when one of your hookups sticks around?  If he's a good guy and your friends love him, it's easier to fully accept the one night stand into your circle, but will the awkwardness ever really fade away? 

It all went down last December.  One Saturday just before my birthday, the weather is particularly nice, so I throw on some old jeans and a teeshirt and meet the boys down on "The Strip," a street chock full of gay bars and boutique shops in the heart of the city.  It'd been a long week, and I'm a little tired.  In fact, at 1:00 a.m., when I walk into the largest dance club on the Strip, I begin tossing around the idea of calling it a night. 

Then, however, I meet "Neo."  I call him this because he slightly resembles Keanu Reeves.  He looks completely out of place at the huge, two-story club, as if he's a straight guy who's hopelessly lost.  Cute, I think. 

My buddy thinks so too. 

"He's staring at us," I yell to my friend over the insane dance beats.

"Yes he is," my friend replies, "We should talk to him.  But I think he's into you more."

"Why do you say that?" 

"I can just tell."   

Neo is obviously shy.  He stares for a while, then walks around us in a wide circle, like a hawk would circle his kill for the night.  Remembering back, his whole stalking method was really odd.

"I think he's by himself," I say.

"Yeah, he is."

And with that, I walk over to him.  As I approach, I see that he's thin and very boyish-looking.  With an American Eagle teeshirt, holed-up jeans, and sandals, I guess that Neo is probably about 18, which is waaaay too young for me, so I mentally prepare myself to walk away if he turns out to be jail bait. 

"Hello," I say as I grab his shaking hand.  He's totally nervous, practically freaking out, I laugh to myself. 

"Hi," Neo replies.

"First time here?"  I instinctively ask.

"Yeah.  Just moved here, actually."

"Cool, well what do you think about this place?"

"Honestly, it's sorta freakin' me out." 

As it turns out, Neo is a 25-year-old who'd just moved to the city from a small college town.  He's closeted, but had somehow found his way to the Strip.

"Wanna get outta here?"  I ask.

"Yeah." 

We don't make it very far.  Sitting in Neo's car, I suddenly can't keep my hands off of his young, hard body.  Throwing morals and caution to the wind, I run my hand down his tanned arms and over his jean-clad thigh. I want him now.  He takes off his shirt, revealing smooth, wiry limbs and a flat stomach.  Before I can take my own sweaty shirt off, he reaches over and pulls it above my head.  The smell of smoke lingers in his cloth seats.  Smoke usually turns me off, but tonight, it only intensifies the mystique of this insanely hot and random moment.  I kiss his ear lightly, making him smile and blush. 

"So, do you wanna come back with me?" Neo asks. 

Do you really have to ask?  "Definitely." 

The next morning, without thinking, I ask Neo if he'd like to meet some of my friends for brunch.  He doesn't know any gay people in town (he'd only moved here a week ago), so he said sure.  It goes well with the buds.  In fact, they like him so much that they decide to take him under our collective group's wing to show him around town and keep the bar predators away from him (and of course they all acknowledge that I'd been one of those very predators the night before). 

Over the next few weeks, Neo and I continue to hook up, even though we're now friends within the same circle, and eventually, Neo develops a chronic case of "puppy love."  I don't feel the same way, but mistakenly get drunk on several weekends and go home with him.  To my friends, I am the bad guy who's using this poor kid for the wrong reasons.  I can't count how many lectures I received over the following four weeks. 

Eventually, I cut the hookups off and have the "friendship" talk with Neo.  The talk goes o.k., but the first two times I bring other guys around him, he leaves the restaurant in a fury.  Time goes by and now, a few months later, he's cool with the guy I'm dating.  But I still detect some lingering hostility . . . or maybe "awkwardness" is a better word. 

Now that Neo and I are friends, will that awkwardness ever really go away?  When you've been intimate with a buddy, and at least in their mind, have tossed their heart around like a hack sack, can you both totally let go and be platonic?  At least in this situation, I don't think it's possible.  But if Neo and I had been friends before we were intimate, and not the other way around, perhaps it'd be easier to go back.  I don't know and hopefully don't have to find out anytime soon . . . as long as I stick with Brian's Rule #70 that is.

Comments

[Connor]

hot stuff i like very intreging

[wayne]

I'm thinking it's gonna be wierd for some time.

[jay]

Well, I've actually kinda messed around with a friend before but it wasn't sex, in fact it was far from.

I thought it'd be odd but it wasn't actually. I think at first my instinct was to just be jealous but that quickly faded and things are cool.

I think it depends on the people and with him being from a small town, if he's anything like me, he took things too seriously when he shouldn't have.

Just my opinion,
Jay.

[sathish]

hot stuff i like very intregingI'm thinking it's gonna be wierd for some time.

Well, I've actually kinda messed around with a friend before but it wasn't sex, in fact it was far from.

I thought it'd be odd but it wasn't actually. I think at first my instinct was to just be jealous but that quickly faded and things are cool.

I think it depends on the people and with him being from a small town, if he's anything like me, he took things too seriously when he shouldn't have.

Just my opinion,
Jay.

[Daya]

OK -- So I still have trouble understanding why WE can't have sex and still be friends. Especially in an intimate group of guys. If we really care about each other why can't sex be a part of that? I ask myself --- I don't have the answers...