Urban Insanity

Is "W" Still the President?

I love this joke:

 

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
 
 He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
 
 The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."

 
 The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
 
 The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
 
 The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
 
 The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

 
 The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
 
 The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand? "
 
 The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
 
 The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, sir."

The Three Month Siesta - Part I

First off, thank you to all of the readers and fellow bloggers who wrote to me over the last three months encouraging me to write and making sure I was still alive and not buried under one of the bars on Cedar Springs in Dallas.

Much has happened in these last three months, and it's hard to even decide where to start. To make this easier for you to follow, I will break this story down into three posts: (1) The Last Boyfriend, (2) the Work Project from Hell, and (3) Drinking Drama.

PART 1: The Last Boyfriend

A post or two ago, I slyly inserted the words "my boyfriend" into a story. Most readers probably skimmed over it, but a few of you guys picked up on it and demanded further information, which I refused to relay. Now is the time to tell the story, because I learned a valuable lesson from the four months that "Church Boy" and I spent together.

We met, surprisingly, at church.

I was there with Heather preparing to listen to the sermon when Church Boy came up and introduced himself. At first he thought I was straight, and that Heather was my girlfriend, but I relayed my gayness at the end of our conversation.

I knew from the moment he'd approached that he was gay. His mannerisms and clothing gave it away.

A few days later, Church Boy emailed me. He'd tracked my email address down from someone else at church, and wanted to grab dinner.

I was flattered, and said yes after only a little hesitation.

I have never dated a guy before who wouldn't be described as "masculine." While Church Boy certainly wouldn't be described as a total queen, he was without a doubt much less concerned about appearing straight or "butch" than anyone I'd ever been with. I respected him for his comfortability, and told myself that I would look past my reservations to see what kind of guy he was inside.

For our first few dates, I was skeptical, but after getting to know him, and seeing how genuine his heart was, I fell for him. His sea blue eyes captivated me, and his caring, Christian nature was refreshing and engulfing. Surprisingly, Church Boy was a phenomenal athlete, and we had fun playing basketball together in addition to doing traditional gay stuff like shopping and fixing up my poor excuse for a house.

Everything was great for a while. My friends loved him, we had great conversations and a blast whenever we hung out, and I truly cared for him.

But there was one problem. I could never get over that physical attraction hurdle.

For the first time since the days that'd I'd been with girls, I had trouble performing. Yes, sexually performing.

I didn't know what to do. With girls, I'd just break up with them when my plumbing stopped working. But with guys, I'd never, never had an issue, and it terrified me.

Now, I'm definitely not the most sexually driven guy on the Strip, and I'm no where near the sexual animal that my friend BOB is, but I love sex, and performance hasn't been a problem in the past

If any of you guys have been in this situation, even just with girls, you understand where I'm coming from. If not, just know that it's terrifying. I didn't want to tell any of my friends, and I had no idea how to handle the situation.�I didn't know where to turn.

I was sooooo embarrassed whenever Church Boy and I were in bed together and I couldn't "get it up" that I eventually looked for excuses not to mess around with him.

Then, frustrated, I tried Cialis, a prescription drug that my doctor recommended - he even gave me some free samples. Unfortunately, I ended up getting sick, and never tried it again (although I hear it works for most people).

Eventually, the lack of physical attraction from my end drove me to end the relationship. I realized in the last few weeks that it wasn't fair to him - in addition to being a wonderful person with a great heart, Church Boy was hot as hell, and he deserved a guy who could look beyond simple mannerisms and want to rip his clothes off at every moment. Apparently, I'm not to that point in my gay development yet, and I may never be.

Although the relationship was short, Church Boy and I spent a lot of time together, and we grew close. All of that, coupled with the fact that the breakup wasn't caused by someone doing something wrong, made everything that much sadder.

Church Boy has now accepted a job in another Texas city, and I will probably not see him for a while. But he is in my thoughts every once and a while, and I will hold other love interests in my life to his high standard - he was a true gem of a guy.

Through television, Hollywood, and especially the billion dollar porn industry, we are often led to feel inferior if we're not having wild, uninhibited sex on a weekly or even daily basis. But the fact of the matter is that most people don't live the lives of Sean Cody stars, and probably wouldn't like it if they did. After my experience with Church Boy, I talked to several of my close friends, both straight and gay, and every single one of them has had sexual "dysfunction" problems at one point or another, and the older ones admitted that with increasing age comes increasing issues.

Since Church Boy and I broke up two months ago, I haven't had any more problems in the bedroom, but next time I do, I won't be so scared about it. It's not something to look forward to, but it's something that happens in life. Still, sex in a relationship is important, and it's essential to have strong physical attraction to the person to make it work. I won't make that mistake again.

BOB's Sex Tip #3

This is the third blog is the series of sex tips from my sexually uninhibited friend, BOB.  Please feel free to email me or to post questions in the comments section.  No matter how basic, outrageous, or graphic your question may be, BOB will answer it.

Here are two questions that BOB received over the last month: 

Question #1 (from T.J.):  What is your favorite sexual position? 

BOB's Response:  Well, there is something to be said about all sexual positions.  Wink, wink.  It is hard to pick a favorite.  Some of my favorite sexual trysts are doggie, reverse cowgirl, seated reverse cowgirl, and anything involving a sling or a gag.  Try it, I promise that you'll love it.  Urban Insanity won't post photos of these positions on here, so you'll have to look on Google. 

Question #2 (from anonymous):  Where can I find crazy shit at bars or clubs in Dallas?  Stuff like spanking?  Leather and chains? 

BOB's Response:  My personal favorite for wild stuff is the Eagle.  From your email, you will probably like it.  At the Eagle, all kinds of stuff goes down, like "Pup-Out Night" (which is where crazies get on their hands and knees, put on paws, stick a tail dildo in their bare ass, and crawl around on the floor licking boots while bears pet them on their head.  Then they wag their tail.  There aren't any cute guys there like Megahottie (read Urbaninsanity's blog about Sunday Funday), but you will find lots of crazy shit.  Just check their calendar of events on the website.  It's a Bear Fest.

Also, although I have personally never experienced it, there's an urban Eagle legend about a chair at the bar.  It's high in the air like a barstool, but has a toilet seat for a seat and a large box underneath it that can fit 1-2 people.  Randoms will drop their greasy overalls or hop on there with their assless chaps while the "box boys" or one big box bear will go to town tossing whatever hangs below the seat.  Barf.  But some of you sickos out there might like that dirty stuff.  Especially the bears that read this. 

One other website you might look at is the Dallas BDSM.  There are groups there like the Whippers' Club, Submit!, the House of Abduction - you get the picture. 

Whip away boys! 

While you are there with the bears, I'll be picking up the hot boys on the Strip.

For the Love of the "Scene"

Last weekend was Heather's birthday.

Heather has lots of friends, ranging from straights to gays to boys to girls, and she had events and dinners planned throughout that whole week with various groups of people.  She wanted last Friday to be "gay night," however. 

I am probably Heather's closest gay friend, and through me, she's met and become friends with my close friends, BOB, Otter, and Brian.  Thus, I took it upon myself to set up Heather's "gay birthday night," including location, times, balloons, the cake, etc.  For a location, I chose Mi Cocina in West Village, which Heather loves, and which is widely known for being the Dallas gay mecca for hot boys on Friday nights between 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. when the weather is nice.  Even the elusive Megahottie can be found there on occasion. 

In addition to being a "scene" for hot guys, Mi Cocina is also a party place, and large groups of bachelorette parties, birthday parties, and other celebrating groups can be found there whooping it up on any given night.  

When I first told Otter and BOB about the location, they were thrilled, especially BOB, who thrives on scoping out and picking up good looking boys.  Heather was also excited.

However, my friend Brian was less than happy.  In fact, he refused to go to the party entirely, and made a promise instead to cook dinner for Heather some other time. 

This wasn't the first time that Brian refused to go to "Gay" Cocina - he will not step foot in that restaurant unless under the most dire of circumstances, and I remember back to my birthday in December when Brian came to Mi Cocina and stood in a corner pouting about being there - he'd been visibly miserable throughout the entire celebration, until we all departed and drove over to the Grapevine Bar.

I asked Brian why he hated Mi Cocina so much, and here is how our conversation went:

"I just don't like that place."

"Well, why not?"  I asked.

Brian's tone soured.  "It's too expensive.  It's not fun.  I can't hear anyone talk at the table because it's too loud.  Everyone is more interested in looking around than talking anyway.  It sucks." 

"I agree that I wouldn't want to go there every night, but don't you think it's fun to be in the middle of everything once and a while?"

"No."

"I still just don't get it.  You won't even go there to celebrate Heather's birthday?  She is pumped about going there," I replied, annoyed now.

"I'll grill her a hamburger next week at my house.  I just don't like that place.  I feel like a bad person after I've been there for more than an hour or so."

"If what you're after is an intimate dinner without seeing other people, why ever go out to eat?  Why not just stay home every weekend and grill hamburgers?"

"I could handle that," he said sarcastically.

We agreed to disagree, and I hung up the phone. 

Brian is most certainly correct about a few things - when our group patronizes Mi Cocina, BOB, Otter, and myself tend to get caught up in the scene, at least while we're waiting for a table.  Our  conversations don't usually get much deeper than the latest gossip about who is messing around with who or who spotted Megahottie, and we're all more interested in looking around than in talking about our work week or politics.  Brian is also right about the noise level in the restaurant - unless your table is one of the loud, crazy tables, it's going to be hard to hear that friend of yours sitting two chairs away.

But I disagree with Brian that dinners on the town should always be intimate settings where conversations are deep, thoughtful, and introspective.  To me, dinners at restaurants can be intimate affairs or social functions.  For an intimate affair, like a date, for example, I prefer to be at a subdued location where my companion and I can engage in meaningful conversations and banter, and truly enjoy each other's company and learn about each other.  However, for social functions, like birthdays, bachelor parties, etc, and when I'm out with friends for whom I see 4-5 times a week and have conversations with all the time anyway, I prefer to be at restaurants that feed the festive spirit of its patrons, whether through live music, entertainment, or a lively scene.  Sure, we may not discover any new deep revelations about each other at settings like this, but in my opinion, we have the rest of the week to do that . . . and Friday nights are for letting loose and enjoying what the nightlife has to offer.

Then again, maybe I've been in Dallas long enough to fall into the pretentious scene that some gays don't like.  Maybe I've grown to love the "scene" so much that I've lost sight of what a fun Friday night should be. 

I don't know the answer to this right now, and it's something that I need to think about further. 

But I do know that our group, albeit without Brian, had an awesome time last Friday - we gave Heather a stripper pole as a present, as we all feel that Heather has a deep down desire to be an exotic dancer, or perhaps was one in a past life.  My boyfriend brought her a huge cookie cake, which we handed out to three different tables after we'd eaten enough.  We had a dozen balloons, which we gave out to little kids throughout the night. 

Most importantly, we had a great time, despite the fact that we didn't engage in the intimate conversation that could've taken place if we'd gone to a more low-key restaurant.

Internet Gay Dating

At least once a week, I get a question from a reader regarding gay dating through the web, and what my opinion is on different gay-friendly dating sites.    

Let me first disclose that I am by no means an expert in the field of gay Internet dating.  My experience in this area does not come from previous study or from a masters degree in the field of sociology, but instead, from trial and error and from lots and lots and LOTS of mistakes.  When I first started dating guys, I was completely in the closet, so my only outlet to meet guys was on the Internet, which had thankfully just gained wide-spread popularity back in those days. 

The Internet is still a viable place to meet gay men, especially if you live in a small town and don't have the benefit of a city with a vibrant night life. 

Here are my opinions on some of the popular dating sites out there - 

1.  www.gay.com - possibly the most widely-used gay site for chatting.  You'll find everything on here from closeted boys to full out transvestite drag queens.  It's somewhat overwhelming when you first login to gay.com, but after a couple of months, you will see that it's the same old folks on here day after day.  This website is most useful if you're in a rural area, as you can login to a chat room for your region.  If I had to grade it, I'd give it a B+ for variety and sheer masses of people, a C for sexual hookup, but only a C+ grade for quality and potential for a relationship.

2.  www.connexion.org - a clean site that is sorta like Face Book.  Not really the best chatting site, and not all that widely-used, but there are good quality guys on here if you're willing to invest the time, especially if you're located in Colorado, NYC, or Los Angeles.  Grading, it gets a D for quantity of users, a Fail for sexual hookups, but a B+ for quality and relationship potential.  I should mention that back when I used this site, I found two boyfriends on here.

3.  www.manhunt.net - sheer dirty hookups.  My friend BOB loves this site, as there are lots of boys, some hot, some not, just looking for dirty, uninhibited man sex.  You'll find everything from bears to twinks to group sex to hotel-room orgies on here.  I'll give it a C for quantity of users, an A for sexual hookups, and a Fail for relationship potential.

4.  Craig's List - this site is a classified ad service with no posting fee.  Back in the days before the Internet, it was my understanding that discreet guys would post ads in newspapers.  That died down significantly in the last few years.  But now, Craig's List has reinvigorated this form of hookup, and boy is the variety out there.  I think that this site surpasses Manhunt in strange fetishes.  It gets a B for quantity of users, an A for sexual hookups, and a D for relationship potential.

5.  www.match.com - Match.com, which is actually based in Dallas, is a dating service that was originally designed for straights.  In the last few years, however, it has branched out and aggressively promoted its services to gay men.  It's a clean, decent site, with potentially good results, especially if you're willing to meet guys in other cities.  It gets a B for quantity, a Fail for sexual hookups, and a B+ for potential relationships.

6.  Big Muscle - a website for guys (not always muscular ones) to show off their bodies or to just get dates or sex.  If you ever read the blog about the game warden I dated, which was a disastrous relationship -- I met him on this site.  C for quantity, C for sexual hookups, and C- for potential relationships.

7.  Myspace.com and Facebook - good, normally clean sites for dating.  It can be frustrating to get to know someone through these sites, as many users allow only friends to see their personal information.  These sites are perhaps most useful to track someone down after you've met them previously in person.  A for quantity, Fail for sexual hookups, and B for potential relationships. 

Now that I've lived in Dallas for a year and a half now, I can tell you that the best way to meet people is face-to-face, and through friends.  However, the Internet is still a powerful force in the dating world, and I can't knock it at all, as I've found love on here in the past.  Happy hunting!

Crazy picture

One of my friends in Charleston, S.C. sent me this wild photo and politically incorrect joke:

Q:  HOW DO YOU SPOT A GAY TERRORIST?

Just look for this guy, the notorious Obama Bin Shoppin'

News Article About Elderly Couple

I came across this news article yesterday about an elderly couple in the Dallas area, and it made me tear up.  I thought that I'd share it with you.  It's amazing what love can do.

By JIM DOUGLAS
A Fort Worth couple married for 75 years were buried Tuesday afternoon, after dying within five hours of one other.
JC Cox, 100, and his wife Josie, 96, were married on Christmas Day in 1932.
"She was telling me they went up to a pastor's door and knocked on the door," said Lesha Grimm, one of the couple's granddaughters. "He didn't marry them, so they went to another pastor's house."
They kept their wedding vows for 75 years, through the deaths of their own children, the lives of three new generations and the inevitable changes in each other.
"He was 120 pounds at most, ever," Ms. Grimm said. "She was a fat granny."
While Josie was described as a talker, JC said little.
"He couldn't hear real well and he didn't talk much anyway," said Marla Williamson, another granddaughter. "That was his way of socializing with you was to share Dr Pepper."
The fridge is still loaded with Dr Pepper. The little Fort Worth house unchanged.
"They stayed together the whole time," Ms. Williamson said. "They slept in this bed."
Mrs. Cox insisted on being JC's sole caregiver, even up until the moment they entered a nursing home last month.
"She was still ironing his clothes three weeks ago," Ms. Williamson said. "She was going to make sure, even though he never went anywhere, his clothes were going to be starched."
The granddaughters said their intimacy was apparent until the moment they died. A few days ago, Mr. Cox took Mrs. Cox's hand and he slipped away.
"Holding hands, and that's how they died," Ms. Williamson said. "Pa died holding onto Granny."
Just five hours later, she let go too as her family whispered to her.
"Your children are waiting for you, and Pa is waiting for you," Ms. Grimm said. "It's OK. You can let go and we'll all be OK together. And a minute later, she passed."

Top 10 Sexiest Male Athletes

I've been on a professional athlete blogging binge for the last week, and I thought that before I close this series and focus on more pertinent topics, I'd reveal my own personal top 10 list of the Sexiest Male Athletes:

#10 - Brady Quinn - Plays football for the Cleveland Browns.  Formerly Quarterback for Notre Dame, and winner of the 2006 Maxwell Award for the best player in the nation.  Great smile.  Great body.  Cocky attitude.

#9  - Michael Owen - Soccer - Captain of the Newcastle United.  He is best known for his blistering pace, precise finishing and intriguing predatory instincts around goal.  Plus, he's hot as hell.

-

#8 - JJ Reddick - The ACC's all-time leading scorer, and a Duke University superstar.  Now, JJ plays for the Orlando Magic.  His sharp mind and quick smile are his best features. 

# 7 John Cena - Wrestler - O.K., as a kid, I used to jack off to WWF wrestlers all the time.  I can't be the only one out there who did!  For good measure, at least one wrestler had to make this list.  John Cena's ripped body and bad boy attitude push him to this spot.

# 6 - Jason Kidd - Mavericks superstar, leader, and all around stud.  See my previous blog.

# 5 - Andy Roddick - One of the top-ranked tennis stars in the world.  A true American stud. 

# 4 - Tom Brady - N.E. Patriots Quarterback, Superbowl MPV, and professional model, this guy is incredible, not to mention sexy as hell.

# 3 - Brett Favre - My favorite quarterback, recently retired from the Green Bay Packers.  He's my token sexy redneck of this group, and has one of the most chiseled faces in pro sports. 

# 2 - Jeremy Bloom - Skiing & Football - Wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Olympic skier, and fashion model, this guy is quite possibly the perfect example of masculine beauty.

#1 - David Beckham - Professional Soccer.  Come on, is there even a question?  If you are new to this blog, then you probably don't know my obsession with this guy.  True physical perfection, and from what a hear, a pretty cool guy. 

Return of the "Hot" Maverick

I want to welcome Jason Kidd back to the Dallas Mavericks!  Although the Mavs have had their ups and downs this year, Kidd has the experience, talent, and leadership abilities to push our team closer to a National Title in the next couple of years.  Plus, he's got a rugged, bad-boy hotness about him that is just down right sexy! 

Shad Smith Becomes First Openly Gay Mixed Martial Arts Fighter

I found this article online today, and thought I would pass it on.  It's encouraging when professional and amateur athletes courageously step out of the closet and set examples to some of the younger, closeted gays who look up to them.  Shad Smith, a convicted criminal, may not be a "model citizen," but he certainly has courage in and outside of the ring.  Courtesy of Dylan Vox, www.connexion.org: 

Mixed martial arts has become a national phenomenon, and with the creation of the Ultimate Fighting Championships, only continues to grow in popularity. Earlier this week, competitor Shad Smith became the first openly gay fighter in the sport when he revealed his sexuality in a New York Times interview.

According to the article, Smith entered his first fight in 2000 shortly after his release from prison where he was serving time for carjacking, one of his many stints.

He joined a more underground organization called Felony Fights, which has similar rules to the way UFC began in 1993.

Smith explained that he started fighting at an early age because of he was concerned about someone discovering his sexual orientation. "I was always scared that my mom and dad would find out and wouldn't like me, and my brothers wouldn't like me," he explained to the New York Times.

"I was petrified, because I didn't want anyone to find out. And I would try to be the toughest person around. That way, no one would suspect, no one would ever say it, no one would think it."

Now at 35, Smith has had several run-ins with the law, but is learning to settle down with his boyfriend Jesse.

Of his 20 fights, Smith has won 10 with 8 losses and 2 draws. Although he most likely will never make it to the Ultimate Fighting Championship, he explained to Nation writer Paul Wachter that he has learned a lot about himself from the sport.